He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
