I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
