apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
