Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
