Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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