everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
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Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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