My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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