apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
