a search helicopter?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
