I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
