fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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