was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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