Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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