I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
