im having a threesome with these popsicles
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
