at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
