ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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