I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
