the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
