i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize