Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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