Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
