i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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