Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
