she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
