turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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