Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
