I smell stomach acid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
