I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
