Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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