I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
