good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
