ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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