i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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