$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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