Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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