More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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