It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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