Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
