Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
