I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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