He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
