i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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