I think my fart just growled at me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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