how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
