just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
