I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
