i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
