We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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