help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
