You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
