So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
