Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
