so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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