My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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