he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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