I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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