i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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