my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
third nipple confirmed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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