oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
